The Oxygen

Obama has Miagi-like reflexes

ok

(256): Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”

—Groucho Marx (aka Oscar the Grouch)

sure is somethin

(480): I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning

“It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.”

—Mark Twain, gotta love him

(803): so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.